


Desperado

by Morgana



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-23
Updated: 2013-05-23
Packaged: 2017-12-12 09:08:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/809836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgana/pseuds/Morgana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean tries to figure things out after the big showdown</p>
            </blockquote>





	Desperado

Dean turned down Bobby's offer to stay for a few days. He needed to get on the road, had to head out although he didn't really have a clue about where he was going. Not that it mattered - without Sam there really wasn't anything to do but drive until he figured it out. He was done with hunting, that was for sure, done being Heaven and destiny's bitch. Let some other poor asshole have the job - Dean was through. He'd given enough and had even more taken from him, and he was quitting. It was that or storm Heaven with an arsenal of holy fire, although he hadn't really given up on the second option yet.  
  
He'd been driving for a few hours when  _Desperado_  came on the radio, the opening strains of the hackneyed, overplayed song enough to make him sigh in disgust and reach for the tuning knob, fully expecting to get his hand slapped away. For reasons known only to himself and his crap taste in music, Sam loved that stupid song. But there wasn't a slap or voice protesting because there wasn't a Sam in the passenger seat and his hand fell away without changing the station. Don Henley crooned about pain and hunger, and Dean felt like screaming. What did most people know about that? Let some stupid singer lose everything that had ever meant anything to them in the space of about two seconds and then they could come close to understanding what he was going through.  
  
For the first time since he was about five, Dean found himself actually listening to the lyrics, trying to see what Sam had seen in the song. He'd told him once after Stanford that it reminded him of Dean, a statement that had resulted in one of their most prolonged wrestling matches in years.  _Your prison is walking through this world all alone._  Well, that was certainly true. He knew now why people supported the death penalty - it wasn't really about vengeance, but mercy. Death was easier than living a life deprived of everything important... a life without Sammy. His vision blurred at the thought and he managed to wrench the Impala over onto the shoulder and threw it in park before he lost it, clenching the steering wheel in a death grip while the sobs ripped their way out of him.  
  
Through the tears and desperate gasps for air, Dean told himself that he was glad Sam wasn't there at that moment, to see him making an absolute girl of himself, crying and carrying on just because a stupid song that had been played to death was bringing the reality of it all crashing down on him. Fuck, he was bawling over  _Desperado_ , for God's sake! Was this how it was going to be, him turning into a wreck over nothing for the rest of his life?  
  
 _Let somebody love you._  He'd made a promise to do just that, and he had to carry through on it, even though the person he most wanted to love him, the person he needed to love him, wasn't here anymore. But then that was most likely why Sam had made him do it, so he knew Dean had someone to love him when he wasn't there to do it right. Hell, for all he knew, Sammy was down there in Lucifer's cage beaming  _Desperado_  up here, ready to torment him with Eagles' songs until he caved. The thought made him chuckle through his tears and he choked out, "Okay, I get it. I give, man."   
  
Wiping his eyes, Dean took a deep breath and pulled back onto the road. If he pushed he could probably make Lisa's by tomorrow night.


End file.
